The Break I Never Thought I Needed

For a while, I had been longing for a break. I kept saying to myself, “I need a break.” A lot had been going on, and life had become quite hectic. At times, it felt like it was simply too much to handle. I needed some time away from certain things—not necessarily to escape them, but to give myself enough space to process what was actually happening.

For someone who doesn’t have much going on in her life at the moment, I somehow go through so much. Things just keep happening, and sometimes I don’t even know where to begin when trying to explain what has been going on. A bunch of strange, unexpected things.

And, honestly, unemployment really is the pits.

When Life Starts Feeling Too Loud

The mental toll it takes on you is something I don’t think people talk about enough. Being unemployed can drive a person crazy, especially when employment was the only plan you had. Suddenly, you have to start thinking about other things you can do. Skills you can learn. Ways to survive. Things you can do to keep yourself busy.

And the funny thing is, some of these skills require money too.

When most of what occupies your mind is trying to figure out your future, the noise in your head starts getting louder. Not in a healthy way.

Things don’t align the way you want them to. You start feeling like you’ve lost control of your life. It begins to feel as though you are a passenger in your own life, just sitting there and watching everything happen without knowing where you’re going.

And that feeling can be overwhelming.

You start comparing yourself to your peers. You avoid interacting with them because you don’t feel like you are at the same level anymore. You begin to feel as though you don’t belong at the same table.

Of course, I know that everyone has their own struggles. Even the people who seem to have everything figured out are dealing with things we know nothing about. But there is one difference that can be difficult to ignore: some of them have a source of income. They can afford some of the things they need and want.

Meanwhile, I sometimes can’t even afford basic toiletries. I have to ask someone else for them.

At my age, that is not an easy thing to admit.

Especially when I can’t rely on both of my parents—one being a deadbeat father and my mother being unemployed herself. And as the firstborn daughter with younger siblings, there is an added pressure to have things figured out because there are people who look up to you.

You are expected to lead by example.

But what happens when you don’t even know what you are doing with your own life?

One of my biggest prayers is that things work out for my siblings. I pray that they don’t have to experience the things I am currently going through. I want life to be easier for them. I want them to have opportunities that perhaps I didn’t have.

So, yes, you can imagine how difficult life has felt.

I Needed to Step Away

All of this made me realise that I needed to step back.

I was constantly trying to figure out what to do next, and I couldn’t seem to find the solution. I was putting myself under so much stress, and I knew that it wasn’t healthy.

So I said to myself, I need a break.

I needed to rest.

I needed to learn how to be still and stop worrying so much about tomorrow. I needed to learn how to live in the moment.

Because I had spent so much time worrying about tomorrow, and honestly, it had gotten me nowhere.

For my own mental wellness, I decided that I needed to take a different route. The voices in my head had become too loud, and I needed to find a way to quiet them.

Logging Off and Letting Go

The first step was stepping away from social media.

There were days when social media made everything worse. I would scroll through people’s lives and unknowingly compare my reality to their highlights. It became another source of pressure, another reminder of where I thought I should be.

So, I took a break.

I had been off social media for about two weeks when, a week later, I had to go to initiation school—komeng—for a month.

And somehow, that became my ticket to the break I never knew I needed.

The Break I Never Knew I Needed

Being there meant being away from my phone. I couldn’t scroll. I couldn’t check what was happening in the outside world. I couldn’t constantly distract myself with what everyone else was doing.

As challenging as the experience was, there was something beautiful about not having to think about tomorrow.

I was simply there.

Living in the moment.

It challenged me to be still, to focus on what was in front of me, and to take each day as it came.

It almost felt like being in isolation with strangers. Yet somehow, inside that space, we were all equal. Everyone was simply there, experiencing the same thing.

I even made a friend who helped make the journey a little less difficult.

And, of course, I had my cousin and my siblings with me. Having them there meant I didn’t really get to miss home because I already had little pieces of home with me.

For that month, I had the opportunity to forget about the outside world for a while.

I didn’t have to worry about what was happening on social media.

I didn’t have to think about where everyone else was in life.

I didn’t have to figure everything out.

I could just be.

Learning to Be Still

And even though the break was short-lived, I am incredibly grateful for the journey.

I came back feeling like a different person.

I now try to move through each day as calmly and as still as possible. I don’t panic as much as I used to. I remind myself that, eventually, something will come up.

It will all work out.

Maybe I don’t have all the answers right now, and maybe I don’t need to.

For now, I just want to focus on becoming the person I dream of becoming. I want to trust the process, even when I cannot see where it is taking me.

I want to stop rushing my life because I am afraid that I am falling behind.

Maybe I am exactly where I need to be.

And perhaps this season is not about having everything figured out. Perhaps it is about learning how to be still while life unfolds.

So, I’m taking it one day at a time.

I’m trusting the process.

And I’m excited to see what this new chapter has waiting for me.

Maybe the break I thought I needed was never really about getting away.

Maybe it was about finding my way back to myself.

 

“Sometimes the break we resist is the break our hearts have been asking for.”

“Sometimes you need to step away from everything just to find your way back to yourself.”

“I took a break, not because I had given up, but because I needed to breathe.”